The other day I was listening to someone tell me how some friends and family had suggested to them that Jordon had ruined my life. I assume it is based on the idea that the goals I had when I was 22 are not the same goals I had with I was 30 or not 38. When I left Brandon, Manitoba in 1993 to go to school in Saskatoon at Central Pentecostal College, oops I mean Horizon College and Seminary, I had planned to get my Bachelor of Theology and return to Providence Seminary outside of Winnipeg and get my Masters of Arts in Counseling with the hope of returning to Brandon and opening a small Christian counseling office and I suppose the unspoken goal was to meet some nice Pentecostal boy and sing in the church choir for the rest of my life. Along the way I met Jordon (who is not a nice boy who happens to be a Methodist), fell in love, got married, had a kid, stopped talking to my family, and I work at Safeway. No masters degree, no choir, no nice Pentecostal boy, no office in Brandon. So what happened?
Well Jordon was kind of responsible. We did meet, we did fall in love, and we got married the fall after I graduated from school. At the time we were married, Jordon was the pastor of Lakeland Community Church in Spiritwood and later worked at Lakeview Church in Saskatoon. Me moving to Winnipeg to continue my education wasn’t an option right away.
Before we were married, I did an internship at the Christian Counseling Services in Saskatoon and part of my internship was an assessment that showed that I had a tendency to be co-dependent. It wasn’t that big of a deal as many counselors deal with that from what I have been told. At the same time I started to deal with an attitude of superiority and arrogance that I have struggled with since then. I have always been quick to offer advice without listening to all of the facts or the person to finish. After numerous incidents of putting my foot in my mouth and being to busy talking to even realize it, I started to think long and hard about whether I was called or gifted to do this sort of thing.
During the same time, my own past came back to haunt me and it has taken a lot of time, counseling, prayer, and support from friends to work through. At the same time it came with a cost in terms of a severed relationship with the rest of my family. I suppose that was some of the draw of going into counseling, the idea that part of the educational journey was dealing with my own demons. After working through my own demons, I realized that being a counselor was not something I wanted to do with my life and my sense of superiority was not an enduring quality.
So whose fault was this? I don’t know if I consider being the mother to Mark to be a wasted life. While Safeway isn’t that rewarding of a job, as I have aged (doh!), I have been a person that many younger co-workers come to in times of crisis and for a listening ear. It isn’t a counseling job but it is nice to know that I have learned something along the way. I have also been to share with others who have gone through the same thing that I have. Of course the issue as far as those who think I have ruined my life is not my education but rather I don’t talk to the family anymore and instead of dealing with those issues that severed the relationship, it is easier to blame Jordon. He wasn’t the catalyst of change, he just supported me as I changed. That and he was the one that let me know often that I had put my foot in my mouth. Often both feet and an elbow (once) 
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