The Man Code

The other day Mark was upset that he didn’t have any cousins. There are some on my side of the family but I doubt he will ever meet any of them so I told Mark that Lee has to get married and have kids. He was concerned Lee’s potential wife would not want kids so I said that Lee will have choose wisely. I also coached him that he needs to tell Lee he needs a women and he better choose wisely. Lee and Jordon got a laugh out of that. Well the other day Lee took Mark to Fuddruckers with some of his co-workers. As the meddling sister-in-law, I tried to get as much information out of Mark as I could, that’s when Jordon stepped in and gave Mark some instruction the "Guy Code" Jordon and Mark would not reveal to me what the Man Code is but I did find some hints on the web.

1. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, you can’t date his sister.
2. When questioned by a friend’s girlfriend (or an uncle’s sister-in-law), you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
3. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
4. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes.
5. Complaining about the brand of free beverages in your buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But complain at will if the temperature is not suitable.
6. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice.
7. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8. If a mans zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!
9. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)
10. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
11. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.
12. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
13. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.
14. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies, as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.
15. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last guy standing on the sideline.
16. Don’t ever hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.
17. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.
18. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year
19. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait.
20. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV: Figure skating or Men’s gymnastics
21. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.
22. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.
23. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
24. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.
25. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry: when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
26. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge.
27. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.
28. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.
29. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.
30. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)
31. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.
32. There are is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)
33. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.
34. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.
35. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

* with every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any man shall happen to break any one of these codes, he will be found guilty, and will, for 24 hours from the time of the violation, be considered NOT A MAN. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine way, and he shall bear the name Princess.

Look what happned to the mayor of San Francisco when he broke the man code.

Men are really, really odd and I am out numbered in our house.

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