Life around here

Jordon has been enjoying working at the Salvation Army Community Centre and was looking forward to three days off this week but life happened.  Some people got sick, someone quit and now Jordon doesn’t have a full day off until after September 21st which is crazy.  Some of his shifts are only eight hours apart.  He had been working only nights before which while it was an adjustment, we were able to work around it.  Now he is working nights, mornings, and evenings which will be another adjustment.  I predict him going insane sooner rather than later but who knows.  The other day he came home and I asked him how it was going and he said, “Not well, my boss rejected my request for a taser” but he is enjoying it.

 

Not having Jordon around here as much is going to be difficult for me.  We have worked hard to get through this and it hasn’t been easy.  We have worked hard to simplify things for me but that hasn’t always worked out and I still am doing some dumb things that make sense at the time.  These are all things I wouldn’t have done a year ago but for some reason I am doing today.

 

I think it was Real Live Preacher who wrote about it first but I think one thing that a lot of people don’t realize about depression is the incredible damage you do to so many of your relationships.  For me, mine range from strained to be in shambles.  The closer you are to me, I think the worse it gets.  Some people have talked to Jordon about their own miserable experiences of having spouses going through depression, I think he now knows and he gets to deal with me at my most miserable but has to deal with the emotional, financial, and relational consequences of living with me and that hasn’t been a lot of fun.

 

When I started taking my medication for the depression, I kept telling myself that this is going to get better and would look for good signs that it was happening.  Now months later, it is worse, I can’t think, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems to have gone out.  I would love to be able to think again.

 

Until that happens, I can take some comfort in just living with Mark and Jordon.  Today Jordon took a shortcut into Westview in Saskatoon.  It is a small neighborhood of dead-ends and crescents that go around in circles.  It took 12 minutes of driving around and around and around to get out of it.   I thought we would have to move there if we couldn’t get out.  The west side is pretty much north/south and east/west.  Not Westview.  Enter at own risk.

 

The other thing that has been getting my attention lately has been the pursuit of a new frisbee for Maggi.  She lost her favorite one and I bought her two other ones that lasted a total of five minutes until they were in pieces.  Toys “R” Us has some but who wants to pay for parking so you can get your dog a frisbee?  We were at Sportmart today and Frisbees were $19.99 which is about $18.99 more than I want to pay for the dumb thing.