Not much blogging ahead
May 26, 2006 by Wendy Cooper
As I have posted before, my depression is back. After skipping some doctor’s appointments and some encouragement from Jordon, I finally went and talked it over with my doctor. She prescribed me a mild anti-depressant called Cipralex (nothing like reading about all of the nasty side effects that a drug you are about to take) which in a couple of weeks will hopefully start to help. When Jordon got sick a year ago, I just shut down emotionally and mentally. I stopped making any and all decisions which started crisis after crisis for me. This started a lot of conflict with Jordon and I started to hide things from him to avoid the conflict. I thought I was getting better but this spring again it started again and has gotten to the point where I am having problems listening and following through on basic conversations and tasks. I keep telling myself that it is all isolated screw ups but in the end, it is a pretty big pattern of behaviour I am struggling with. I have been trying to escape but often that just makes small problems in to real big problems.
Depression runs in my family so this isn’t totally unexpected. The alternative is to not deal with it and make everyone else deal with it which doesn’t seem to be a great path to take. I have seen that from the everyone else viewpoint and it didn’t do a lot for me.
The medication makes me sick which isn’t a lot of fun and I am still having some trouble in putting together thoughts so I imagine that blogging will be light for a while.
One final note, my friend Darren has two good posts about his depression and Real Live Preacher talks about his here, here and here.
Hang in there, Wendy. I have been working for a few months on dealing with a 23 year old depression. Some days are better than others, but with a lot of grace and learning to trust yourself, others and God again the steps come more easily.
You have to be in it for the long journey. But abundant life is the benefit.
Here I am reading about you being depressed. I myself am too busy and that begins to get me down - I shut down in the same way you do when you get depressed. I guess maybe it is the beginning of a bout of depression if I let it go. I don’t want to go down that path again - been there.
Anyway, here on the side of your blog is a picture of Maggie sacked out on your couch. Wouldn’t it be nice to be a dog! Maybe they are smarter than us. Doesn’t look like she has a care in the world.
Wendy, I know you don;t know who I am but I check your site often and lately I find myself checking on you to see how you are doing with your bout with depression. I find myself daily fighting against depression and anxiety. I don;t think it is severe yet I know it is more than just having a bad day. Your words help bring some clarity to my thoughts these days when life is so stressful. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. You inspire me
Wendy - I know those feelings too. Talking to my doctor and starting medication really did help me turn the corner. It does get better.
There’s nothing wrong with taking medication to help you through. I had a horrible time with depression a couple of years before I left Saskatoon in 2001. I took anti depressants along with weekly visits to my doctor and I can tell you life looked so much better. It took a lot of work but I don’t think I could have done it without taking medication. I don’t know if it ever goes away compleately but I learned positive ways of coping. It does get better but until then hang in there! I’m praying for you.
Wendy. It’s not often that people are open about depression. To my knowledge I’ve never been depressed, although I understand that it’s common to be blind to your own depression until it takes over. Thank you for speaking about your depression and giving the rest of us an example of self-examination. Everyone needs to do this hard work … and you are doing it. May we be blessed by your life.
A good bowl of Texas chile with beans was my former cure all, but I have discovered a Korean cure all, it is called bibimbap.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibimbap
thinking about you, jordan, your boy, life, praying for you, praying for all of you, watching and hoping… i pray you feel some peace… you are a good wife, a good mother, a good friend… it is a blessing to have you in the emerging church conversation