The Life if an INTP

Well Jordon came out and said that he was an INTJ while I am an INTP.  Here is how us architects are seen.

Here is how similarminds.com sees us INTPs

loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, wrestles with the meaninglessness of existence, likes esoteric things, disorganized, messy, likes science fiction, can be lonely, observer, private, can’t describe feelings easily, detached, likes solitude, not revealing, unemotional, rule breaker, avoidant, familiar with the darkside, skeptical, acts without consulting others, does not think they are weird but others do, socially uncomfortable, abrupt, fantasy prone, does not like happy people, appreciates strangeness, frequently loses things, acts without planning, guarded, not punctual, more likely to support marijuana legalization, not prone to compromise, hard to persuade, relies on mind more than on others, calm

The Personality Page sees us this way

The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don’t understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.

The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn’t realize the value of attending to other people’s feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. If the INTP is not able to find a place for themself which supports the use of their strongest abilities, they may become generally negative and cynical. If the INTP has not developed their Sensing side sufficiently, they may become unaware of their environment, and exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately

Typelogic can be a little harsh but it’s pretty accurate.

INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them.

A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one’s conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions.

INTPs and Logic — One of the tipoffs that a person is an INTP is her obsession with logical correctness. Errors are not often due to poor logic — apparent faux pas in reasoning are usually a result of overlooking details or of incorrect context.

Keirsey points out how unpleasant it is to be around us

Architects are rare – maybe one percent of the population – and show the greatest precision in thought and speech of all the types. They tend to see distinctions and inconsistencies instantaneously, and can detect contradictions no matter when or where they were made. It is difficult for an Architect to listen to nonsense, even in a casual conversation, without pointing out the speaker’s error. And in any serious discussion or debate Architects are devastating, their skill in framing arguments giving them an enormous advantage. Architects regard all discussions as a search for understanding, and believe their function is to eliminate inconsistencies, which can make communication with them an uncomfortable experience for many.

That part probably explains part of the reason why my parents never liked talking to me.

Of course it’s not all their fault as we are fairly difficult to know…

Architects often seem difficult to know. They are inclined to be shy except with close friends, and their reserve is difficult to penetrate. Able to concentrate better than any other type, they prefer to work quietly at their computers or drafting tables, and often alone. Architects also become obsessed with analysis, and this can seem to shut others out. Once caught up in a thought process, Architects close off and persevere until they comprehend the issue in all its complexity. Architects prize intelligence, and with their grand desire to grasp the structure of the universe, they can seem arrogant and may show impatience with others who have less ability, or who are less driven.

You can ask Jordon if this is accurate but I already know he would say it is when talking about me.

Flashback to a better more innocent time

This is so funny.  A friend of mine found her husband’s journal from grade 4.  Instead of keeping it to herself, she did what any good wife would do, she shared it with Jordon and then e-mailed me a PDF of the best parts.

View this document on Scribd

We are getting Mark to keep a journal this year, not so much for us or him but for his future wife, friends, and co-workers to mock.

I miss Marion, my mother-in-law for many reasons, one of them is that she would have no problem at all guest blogging here stories about Jordon that rival this journal entry.

Christmas Gift Ideas for Tween Boys

Jordon has created his first Christmas gift guide for 2009 and it deals with tween boys.  According to his site, he plans to roll one out each week between now and early December.  Since no one can pick out gifts like Jordon, it should be good.   You will be able to keep track of them here.

Survivorman

I was sick yesterday.  Really, really, really sick for a couple of hours.  Late last night I seemed to snap out of it enough to function for a couple of hours and I watched Survivorman for a couple of hours with Jordon.

For those of you who haven’t seen the show:

The title refers to the host of the show, Canadian filmmaker and survival expert Les Stroud, who uses his vast survival skills to survive for up to seven days alone filming his adventures in remote locales where he brings with him little or no food, water, or equipment. The fact Stroud spends his time alone without a production crew is a major focus of the show (differentiating it from the similarly themed Man vs. Wild).  During the filming of each episode, Stroud is alone and operates all the cameras himself. He is equipped with only his clothes, camera equipment, his harmonica, a Leatherman multi-tool, and often "everyday items" relevant to the episode’s particular survival situation or locale.

He was in the Amazon rain forest last night, right down the trail from a hostile tribe (that had recently gone on a spearing raid) and was later hunted by a jaguar.  That’s right, I said he was hunted by a jaguar.

On top of that because he was wet and in the rain, he managed to get a bad case of fungus on his feet.

No wonder he decided to stop filming the show after season three, the toll on his body must have been incredible.  

A tale of two brothers

I wasn’t really worried about Mark as an older brother but he has turned out to be better one than I expected.  He does a good job of playing with Oliver, watching out for him, and hanging out with him.

One of his jobs is to put Oliver’s toys away every night.  It was the same job that Jordon had with Lee’s toys growing up and to keep the tradition going, Mark’s job is to tidy up after Oliver.

He does a good job of it but it is slowly driving Oliver insane.  Oliver really enjoys his toys and loves pulling them all out of his toy box, surrounding himself with them and making quite a mess.  Today Mark saw this and decided to tidy them up while Oliver was busy with something else.  Oliver walked over with his hands on his head and was in total disbelief that the same toys he took so much time spreading all over the place, were all put away.  He was quiet for a second and then started telling Mark off in a way that only a 16 month year old kid could do.

This was on top of the the other day when he wanted to hit Mark with a toy golf club.  He took a couple of shots and then Mark took his club away and put it on the ground.  He then looked like he was going to cry, picked up his club, and walked slowly back to Jordon without talking and then sat down and sulked for five minutes.  Obviously he wasn’t expecting to be so easily disarmed from Mark and wasn’t sure how to respond.

Dealing with Toxic Parents

The New York Times has a piece on dealing with toxic parents.

You can divorce an abusive spouse. You can call it quits if your lover mistreats you. But what can you do if the source of your misery is your own parent?

12 years

It was 12 years ago today that I got married to Jordon in Saskatoon.  There has been a lot of great days along the way but this last year has been a hard one.  Like I wrote a couple of days ago, this year has been a train wreck for me and Jordon has paid quite a price for living in the vicinity as I have imploded time and time again.

This year was really hard.  Since Oliver has been born I have been getting more and more depressed and spending more and more of my life in a fog.  We would try a depression medication, the dosage would increase, they would increase it again, I would ask Jordon for a divorce, we would change medications, I would tell Jordon how much I hated being in the room with him, increase in medication again, I stopped talking to Mark somewhere along the way, medication was increased yet again, I moved into an alternative reality, I started compulsively lying to Jordon, became a little paranoid, medication changed again, more hatred for Jordon and Mark and so on.

Finally Jordon had enough and I found out how hard I could push him and I was asked to move out which I blamed on him being stressed at work (ignoring the fact that during this time, he was walking to and from his work so he would spend less time around me and he wasn’t stressed out when I wasn’t there).  He finally made as a condition of me staying here that I had to go back to the doctor (I had started skipping appointments) and see a qualified therapist who could deal with me.

The first step was being weaned off the medication and I just fell apart.  I think it was at that time that I started to see what Jordon and Mark got to see.  I don’t know why the blinders came off then but the started to.  Now that I am on Celexa I am starting to feel a little better.  It is a little disconcerting to see that it is for serious depression sufferers but as Jordon dryly said, “The stuff for minor depression and anxiety sure wasn’t working.”

The second step was understanding that somewhere along the line that I become so introverted under stress that Jordon, Oliver, and Mark stop existing.  I was talking about this with Jordon today and I was talking about being an introvert and he reminded me that what I start to do is no being a introvert, it is a survival mode I move into under stress.

The third step is really hard to accept but I have no ability to think critically.  When I say that I can’t, he is what doesn’t happen with me.

Critical thinking calls for a persistent effort to examine any belief or supposed form of knowledge in the light of the evidence that supports it and the further conclusions to which it tends. It also generally requires ability to recognize problems, to find workable means for meeting those problems, to gather and marshal pertinent(relevant) information, to recognize unstated assumptions and values, to comprehend and use language with accuracy, clarity, and discrimination, to interpret data, to appraise evidence and evaluate arguments, to recognize the existence (or non-existence) of logical relationships between propositions, to draw warranted conclusions and generalizations, to put to test the conclusions and generalizations at which one arrives, to reconstruct one’s patterns of beliefs on the basis of wider experience, and to render accurate judgments about specific things and qualities in everyday life.

In other words, I tend to not make good decisions under fire and that is hard to take.  Jordon joked with me that I am the opposite of being an “idiot savant” but rather I am competent in many areas, just not critical thought.  Some people can’t juggle, I can’t think critically (or juggle now that I think about it).

I don’t know if I am going to get better at this or not.  I hope I do but for now my life at home works better if I have some structure.  I work well from a list.  At night Jordon and I agree on tomorrow’s list and then we talk as he is leaving in the morning.  My name isn’t Earl but my to-do list is pretty important to me.  It also keeps from freelancing which is pretty important.  The big thing about keeping the list is that I have a thought through plan of action.  When it’s not on the list, it could be an experience in chaos and chaos comes naturally to me.

Speaking of lists, Jordon gave me a four pack of lists for travelers from Chapters/Indigo.  I have lists for packing, planning a vacation, day trips, and sending Mark to camp.  The gift is a bit of a joke as I do a horrible job of packing for the lake so maybe this will give me some order.

Since going through this, I am coming to grips with some of what I have said and done over the last couple of years.  A couple of people have told me that it was bad enough that they suggested to Jordon he get a divorce.   It makes me think to look back at the last couple of years and I am glad that Jordon and I are still together.

For our anniversary today, we had hoped to celebrate a bit but Oliver not doing well, we went to Chilli’s and had an absolutely horrible meal (52 minutes to get our food and it was cold when it came out) and I tried to go out and get Jordon something.  That didn’t go so well at first but I managed to humor Jordon and Mark a bit.

I am so thankful today that we are all together and I promise that next year will be better.

Nintendo DS?

Today Jordon and I were in Future Shop and he mentioned to me that quite a few women he works with that he knows all are asking for Nintendo DS’s this Christmas or have recently bought them.

 

Jordon wasn’t sure why they all wanted one but when he asked me about it, I thought it would kind of fun.  Mark has one and he loves it and it would be fun to play against him.

Now Mark has most of the Mario games but what games am I going to want.  I like the Brain Age ones and I was surprised and pleased to see that you can get Age of Empires for the DS.  I am hoping that if I get Madden 10 for DS, I will have an idea of what is happening on television.

Any other “must have” games that I need if I get a DS?  What games to 40 something mothers like to play?

Oliver

Just a quick note to tell you that Oliver had a bad day today and had some seizures starting this morning.  It meant for a couple of trips to Royal University Hospital but he is at home now and is on medication.  Jordon blogged about it here.

Thanksgiving and our Anniversary

I haven’t blogged or been online much this summer.  It hasn’t been a great summer for me or the family but we survived.  Here is where I am after the worst summer of my life.

1. The keyword of the moment is Celexa.  No more of that medication for minor depression and anxiety, Celexa is also called Citalopram and is an antidepressant drug used to treat major depression associated with mood disorders. It is also used on occasion in the treatment of body dysmorphic disorder and anxiety.  In other words I am more messed up than I ever wanted to admit that I was.  While the process of being weaned off my old medication was horrible, the Celexa seems to be helping.
2. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions over what I am saying but reading what Theoren Fleury went through brought back a lot of horrible memories for me.  I wasn’t a “f-cking lunatic” but I resonate with Fleury how long the impact stays with you. (as an aside, Jordon, Lee, and I saw him play in Calgary years ago.  They were the worst seats in the house).  The brutal part about reading about Fleury is that his critics say that same thing about him that I have heard said about me by my family.
3. I almost wonder if points one and two are somehow related.
4. We went up to the lake this weekend for Thanksgiving.  Instead of cooking Thanksgiving Dinner at the cabin, we went to Kinney Memorial Lodge and ate an amazing supper with about 175 others (my estimate anyways).   There was turkey, ham, four different salads, yams, turnip puff, mashed potatoes, and carrots.  The cost wasn’t that much and I hope it was a good fundraiser for Arlington Beach.  The only thing that wasn’t good about the weekend was an “Arctic air mass” moved into Saskatchewan.  I don’t know who invited it but it’s way early.  When we got up to the cabin, it was zero degrees Celsius inside the cabin but within four hours, it was 16 degrees and by the time we went to bed, it was quite comfortable.  Maggi did get one final swim in at the lake and Mark fell into the lake which despite after hearing what happened, I still don’t know how he did it.
5. It’s twelve years of marriage for Jordon and I this Sunday.  This isn’t the place to talk about but I pushed Jordon as far as I could this summer and then pushed some more.  More than one person told me that they told Jordon that he needed to file for divorce.  Despite pushing him to a brink we still made it through another year.  It was a year of pain for both of us but I think Jordon paid a really high price.  I don’t know how we are going to mark the anniversary, it doesn’t seem so much like a date to celebrate but rather a year to kick to the curb.