My belated response
After Jordon wrote this post on living with me as I struggled with depression, we got a lot of feedback and we both get e-mail over it. While I read the post before he posted it and was fine with what he wrote, there has been a lot of questions about things he didn’t cover.
Since he talked a lot about me and how I coped, he didn’t talk about himself and how he coped. Here are my observations. Jordon has a remarkable ability not to become jaded. It is like he has an internal reset button that he can set off. I think it saved our marriage.
The other thing that I learned is that Jordon really needed a break from me, especially after I started to improve. He spent the entire summer trying to keep the family together and as we went into the fall, he was just exhausted. Of course I felt better and wanted to fix things when really what I should have done is respected Jordon’s need for a break from it all. I never imagined how draining I was to be around. In hindsight after spending his year having me wreck his holidays (constantly asking for a divorce takes the fun out of things), I should have done a better job of letting him recover.
I also wanted to fix things by doing significant things. That sounds like a great idea but what Jordon wanted was a sense of normalcy and he was right. I was thinking about Kobe Bryant the other day and his $4 million ring to his wife after the allegations of rape came out. I don’t think a ring or a new Apple computer is going to repair the damage I did.
A lot of people have asked if Jordon saw a therapist to help him deal with me. Yes he did. He also relied on some good friends to keep him sane. That being said, this last year aged Jordon considerably.
Family :: A lot of you have wanted to know what role my family has played in all of this. I am sure they want what is good for me but in the end, they have been an unwitting hindrance. I know they want what’s best for me but as pietists, they want what’s best for everyone. Right from the first night when I told that I had been molested growing up, they never really ever understood and never really tried to get more understanding. Of course, ignorance never stopped them from acting on things and eventually our relationship ended. That fact is sad and frustrating but it’s hard to rely on someone who doesn’t understand why you have changed and why you aren’t so pleasant to be around. Sadly I don’t ever expect to see them again. I guess that means that I am no longer a Hardinge and I am not always sure how I feel about it. No one likes to lose their roots and their sense of belonging but at the same time, being part of the family isn’t an option anymore. It sucks.
Medication :: A lot of people have been really curious about my medication and I have been reluctant to talk about it. Depression medication affects people differently so what works for me, may not work for you. Plus, it’s not like you can buy it on the street (oh wait, Jordon bets me that you can buy it on the street but you have to pay a premium).
Super Bowl Party Approved Recipes
Over at The Cooking Blog, I put together a category of Super Bowl ready recipes for your party this Sunday. No matter who you are cheering for (we are a household of Denver Broncos fans), at least the food will meet your expectations, even if your team does not.
Hank
Jordon bought Darren’s 1993 Ford Festiva from him today as a commuter vehicle. Darren named the car Hank and while we haven’t been big on naming cars, we’ll keep it’s given name and keep the name Hank. While I wouldn’t want to see Jordon get into the backseat of the car, it has a lot of headroom for him in the front and it is a five speed standard transmission so he is excited about driving one of those again. I will say one thing about it, the Ford Festiva has a small carbon footprint. From the gas it doesn’t use to the use of petrochemicals to build it, there isn’t much there. I don’t even know if the car’s performance is measured in horse power or CCs. (wow, it had 65 hp)
It’s never fun buying a used car but it’s Darren we are buying from so you can buy with the assurance that at least you know what is and what isn’t working in the car. Plus, with the car being named, it is kind of like we adopted a car rather than bought one.
Well Jordon has wanted one for years so I hope he enjoys it. I am kind of looking forward to driving it as well.
Gagging it Up
Mark got sick on Thursday (and barfed all over Jordon). Jordon and I got sick last night (thanks Mark!) with the stomach flu. While I was in the washroom throwing up, Mark yells to me. “Mom, way to gag it up in there.” He then realized how funny that phrase sounded and started to laugh his head off. I think this phrase will stick.
Our Personal Safety and Survival Kits
I posted about putting these together the other day but Jordon has posted what we have in our personal survival kits on Jordon Cooper Outfitters. For now we are focused on getting stuff together for each of the vehicles so we don’t have to think about it when we head out on the road.
As Jordon posted on his blog, driving to Spiritwood and back over the years, we took risks that we probably should not have which could have been made worse because we didn’t have the emergency gear that we needed in the cars. While we had lots of stuff in there, I am not sure we had the right stuff. Anyways I feel better about traveling with what we have now in there. I’ll post some more about this later.
Survive! & Survival Kits
As Jordon mentioned today at the Jordon Cooper Outfitters, I gave him a copy of Survive! by Les Stroud for Christmas and as a family have all enjoyed the book tremendously.
Today there was quite a snow storm in Saskatoon and since I am horrible for making and carrying out plans (it’s to the point where it is almost like a psychological disorder), I was just going to waste away another weekend with doing absolutely nothing more than puttering around (this drives the boys insane) This afternoon Jordon got us all together and decided to see if we could get to Dollarama without getting stuck (there was so much snow the city transit was shut down). We made it there fine and we picked up some stuff for the cabin. Now as stupid as it sounds to do this in a blizzard in January, it did brighten up the day quite a bit and let us think about much warmer days at the lake.
While we were out, we talked about our emergency kits in each of the vehicles. They are uneven in quality and we added a couple of things while in Dollarama, first aid kits, some more winter gear, some water bottles, and other assorted gear that we have seen Stroud use on Survivorman or read about in Survive!.
One of my favorite finds to put all of this stuff in was some $2 backpacks that are big enough to hold our winter gear and yet small enough to be tossed in the trunk of the car without taking up much space. They aren’t exactly high quality but they are two dollars and since they aren’t plastic, the won’t be affected by the Saskatchewan winters. We bought one for gear and one for our emergency kits for each of the vehicles so we can pack and go without having to worry if we run into some trouble along the way. While we have an Eddie Bauer Essential Hiking Daypack Bottle in each vehicle, the bag works really well to carry the stuff the bottle doesn’t or needs to be topped up with more supplies for our family.
In addition to getting some emergency kits put together for the cars, we bought some stuff for our dopp kits as well as some stuff for a guest kit. This is for those friends of ours who come up and stay but always forget something. Well, I may be projecting there as I am the one that always forget something (I actually forgot to pack pants one time to the cabin). The good news is that if you are my friend and come up to the cabin and forget something, we will have it there for you and I won’t judge you.
We also bought some supplies for the kitchen; a new colander, milk container for tea, and some oil and vinegar containers and packed them all up into some heavy duty plastic containers which will go a long ways in making a difference how I will store goods this summer.
Life around here
I haven’t written a personal update for a long time. I know that worries some of you but life is okay around here. Here are the highlights.
- I am still working through some issues with a therapist. Jordon talked a lot about some of the issues in vague terms in this post. I tend to lump all of the non-depression and the depression issues into one huge pile but as Jordon says, some of these things have resolved themselves with medication that is working together.
- I get a lot of hate mail for being a horrible human being in January. It all comes down to yet another Christmas of not being around my parents and people thinking that God is calling them to get involved and to tell me off. Prophetic people are often wrong and also a pain in the butt. If I wasn’t a Christian already, they would seriously turn me away from the faith. No one ever asks the question, “Why has Wendy gone a decade without spending Christmas with her mom and dad?” They just blame myself or Jordon.
- I got out of a $600.00 ticket today! I went before the judge and asked to either work it off or for an extension to pay it and he reduced it down to $150.00 because I wasn’t fighting it and it was an honest mistake. I would have hugged him but I thought that there was potentially a ticket for that. It was weird, I was totally cool with working off the ticket or paying it but in the end, he gave me an unasked for break. Cool.
- As I blogged about before, Jordon gave me a copy of It Sucked and then I Cried by Heather Armstrong. It’s a wonderful book and if you have struggled with being a parent, a dog owner, or have had depression, this is the book for you. I found myself both crying and laughing at the same time and much of what Heather has gone through, I have gone through as well.
- I am posting some things coming up over at the Jordon Cooper Outfitters (I know Jordon’s password) but I thought I would link to these wonderful leather bags. I joked with Jordon that if we bought some, we would need to go to classier places on the weekends. They are spectacular looking though.
- Mark got in a bunch of trouble this week at school. It involved some tough non-corporal punishment at home and he cried from 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. the other night. He knew what he had done was wrong and when Jordon and I talked to him, he was crushed. Of course while I wasn’t in trouble a lot while I was in school, Jordon was and at the Centre, the stories of things done while in grade four, five, six and so on are incredible. It makes what Jordon did look really minor (Jordon never blew anything up, tore up a railway with a hotwired D-8 cat and ripper, stole a police car, or actually damaged a city utility). Not only am I thinking of banning Mark from ever going down there again, I am thinking of making Jordon quit
- Speaking of Jordon, we were in Wal-Mart and all of a sudden he looked at me with tears pouring down his face and said, “I think we need some Advil”. His tooth just started to ache. He took four on the way to the car, two more at home and woke up with a badly swollen face. Tomorrow Mr. Anti-Dentite has an appointment with a dentist. He should be in a fun mood.
Now over at Jordon Cooper Outfitters
I have had a lot of fun checking out some of the gear that Jordon is mentioning over at Jordon Cooper Outfitters. He has a couple of months of posts all set up and ready to go but here are a couple of things that have caught my attention since he has started the site.
LED Battery Operated Lanterns :: Jordon and I gave these to each other for Christmas. We were so fond of them that we went out and bought a couple more for the house and picked up two for the cabin. You can pick them up at Dollarama which means that the batteries that you put in them will cost more than the lantern itself. Jordon is right in that they take a beating and keep on working.- The Opera :: Take a look at this incredible pop-up camper. It is one of the coolest looking, best designed products that I have ever seen. We have never been big camper people but if you are going to go camping, why not have the very best looking camper in the lot. It’s nice enough to make Airstream fanboys stop and stare.
Own Nuk Tessli for $195,000
As Jordon Cooper Outfitters notes, the famous alpine resort Nuk Tessli is for sale and is only $195,000. How amazing would it be to live here and only 20 miles away from the nearest road.
While I am linking to Jordon Cooper Outfitters, I need to also point out that Jordon may have found the world’s greatest rolling luggage from MEC.
